Relationship Story
Unexpected Matchmaker
I met my ex-husband through my ex-friend Bertha. She worked with my ex-husband at a local department store, and she hooked us up together. Bertha stated she hooked us up together because she felt we would be a good match together. We talked over the phone for a few weeks before we met each other face-to-face. We dated for about 6 months then we got married. He rushed into marriage because I felt he really wanted to be with me.
A Fairy Tale Beginning
Our marriage started like a fairy tale. He was incredibly loving, making me feel like a queen. In the beginning, he was, such a very nice guy. I felt like the center of his world, not realizing who I was married to. We rented for 3 years then we were able to purchase a home together. His daughter was living in Jamaica, and I applied for her to come to the US to live with us. I gave birth to two children through the marriage, he is a great father, and I am a great mother. For many years of my marriage, I felt my ex-husband was the best man a woman could ever ask for. I had been married for 12 years and did not realize I had actually started a relationship with his representative. For more details about his representative read this blog. His representative is a very kind and loving gentleman. His true self is someone different.
The Shocking Realization
I am a person who cannot read people well, while I was married, some may have called me naive. I trusted people too much because I thought everyone was authentic and genuine like me. In 2019 during the 10th year of my marriage, I found out my ex-husband was cheating on me with a coworker. It wasn’t until I found out about the cheating that I finally woke up and realized I never really knew my ex-husband. From that point on our relationship was never the same. His behavior towards me turned cold and disrespectful, revealing a side of him I never knew existed. For more details about my ex-husband becoming someone that I used to know read this blog.
Self-Worth and Survival
He felt like because he was a man he could do whatever he wanted to do, and I should just accept it. He actually said to me one day, "At least I always come back home to you." That is pretty messed up, but since I did not have self-love or a sense of self-worth, I was okay with the statement. I really just wanted our marriage to work. So, I asked him to do marriage counseling and he agreed to come along with me. He actually did two sessions of marriage counseling, but then he stopped going. However, I continued going for myself. I don’t remember much about the marriage counseling I did in the past, but I do remember about stress management. With stress management the marriage counselor stated to keep a journal to write down my feelings, do breathing exercises, get moving like doing exercise, and be nice to myself with positive self-talk.
A Glimpse of Hope in Jamaica
In Jan 2020, his grandmother died, and we went to Jamaica for the funeral. Due to the death of his grandmother, I did not want to risk starting an argument. I wanted to avoid any potential causes of a disagreement. I was there to support him. We were getting along so well while we were in Jamaica. After we came back to the States, that was when he started being rude and cocky towards me again. He was truly turning into someone I did not even know.
The Ultimate Betrayal
Two months after we got back from Jamaica, our daughter had a performance at school. He did not want to come to the performance, so he stayed home. When I arrived home, after the performance, he was sitting in a car with another woman. Once he saw that I was home he got out of the lady’s vehicle and then she drove away. When I got out of my vehicle, he said nothing to me. When I asked who that was, he said, “She was just a friend.” I told him I did not believe him, but he kept saying she was just a friend. So, I asked him if I did the same thing he did, I am pretty sure he would be upset. He said nothing after my comment and kept saying she was just a friend who came by to say hi to him. He said that I could not find any man better than him; I believed him. He knew I did not have any self-love so he felt that whatever he did to me, I would never leave him. No matter how rude he was toward me I still stayed.
The Final Decision
In Aug of 2021, my ex-husband surprised me and stated he wanted a divorce due to us not getting along. So, in Sept 2021 he filed for divorce. Even after my ex-husband filed for divorce, his representative made a reappearance. He started working to make it seem like we could still make our marriage and relationship work. He once told me that, ‘Even if we get divorced, we can still be together. I still believed him, I started trying to make the marriage work as well. However, you would not be reading my story about divorce and self-discovery if there was no divorce. On October 12th, 2021, I was served with divorce papers. I think that was the first day that I actually realized that my relationship of 12 years was over.
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